I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
