One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
