I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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