We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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