Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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