Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
