He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
