he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
