i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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