Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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