I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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