oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
