Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
