WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
