so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
