if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
