Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
