no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
