I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
