Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
