Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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