so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
