At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
