then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
