I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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