tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
