i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My ATM looks so different sober.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
