i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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