Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
