what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
