you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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