i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
