Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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