i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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