I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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