Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
