She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
