He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
