I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
These tits shall not be calmed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
