So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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