I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
