I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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