Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
