fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
