she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize