I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
