if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
