i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is wine microwaveable?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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