i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize