Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
