Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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