just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
