I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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