we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
