Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
