if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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