Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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