my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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