I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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