do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
