I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
