Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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