He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We have started to decorate penises.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
