I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
