i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
