Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
