At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
