I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
