You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
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Sorry about my life...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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