make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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