Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
